Confessions of a brokenhearted girl… And the reason behind being a #QUENaddict

So how do I start? How do I start narrating a sad love story?

This post is for my own motivation to let go of the past, live the present and be excited for what future would bring. It’s been a year but the pain keeps on getting the way. How do you unwrite the past? You just can’t. The solution? Accept it!

May mga sugat palang hindi kayang pagalingin ng isang taon, lalo na kung hindi mo tinutulungan ang sarili sa paggamot nito. Malala pa niyan, umaasa kang darating siya isang araw, na parang “Knight in shining armor” mo na gagamot sa durog mong pusong siya ring nagwasak. Galing diba?

Sometimes, when you thought you’ve move on from him, here he is, making the moves to re-own you. He will let you feel that you’re special than “her,” surprising you with stuff that he never did during the days when everything’s fine.

What have I done wrong? Nagkulang ba ako? Ang hirap. You keep on asking yourself. But when you thought of all the lies and infidelity, ibang usapan na yan.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. When he has the balls to do it once, he will always will. Hashtag cheater!

For almost five years, I’ve been a very faithful girlfriend to him. Selos? Wala na yan sakin eh. Since I have trust on him, I let him join a modeling workshop (for his own achievement). I never had the chance to visit him during workshops because it’s his “me time.” Sayang, sana pala I tried kahit once. From there, she met the girl that caused our break-up.

The day came when the girl discovered that his so-called “boyfriend” has a girlfriend aside from her. During that time, they were almost four months in a relationship.

I tried my very best to keep our relationship, but it was destined to end that way. “Kung hindi ukol, hindi bubukol.”

Everything happens for a reason, that’s why we have to think first before making our moves, because we never know, it’s our destiny and it’s the key to our happiness. But I have to confess, it hurts… and my heart is still bleeding and wounded.

After all these, I still thank our King, Lord God, for giving me the chance to choose who to love since I am now free from any commitment. I am grateful that my whole attention leads to the King of the Gil, Enrique Gil. I don’t know where it all started. I just found myself adoring this guy so much that he is always in my dreams. God gave me Quen (his nickname) to move forward and enjoy life, laugh often and still love despite all the sudden turn of events in my life.

In my three years of tenure in ABS-CBN, I always had the chance to see Quenito (if given the chance). The first time was in 2011 when they were still doing the youth-oriented show “Shoutout.” I don’t even know him yet, my co-OJT had a crush on him and she giggled with “Gosh… Si Enrique!” The next meeting was still in that year, when we had our Studio Tours in ABS-CBN and watched ASAP Rocks. He was BJ in “Budoy” that time, not my crush though. My mom took our first ever photo outside Studio 10.

Enrique is my Knight in shining armor (even if he doesn’t know). I wish that one day, he will know what he has done to me, he saved my broken heart just by being himself. My last year’s best night ever was his dance concert, the “King of the Gil” at the Araneta Coliseum.

My world only revolves around him, so I should know where he is, what he is up to or where I can watch him (stalker alert!). Unfortunately, he is not active in social media. He rarely tweets and posts anything about him.

It’s been a year but I still can’t forget what happened. I can forgive, but I will never ever forget it. Kahit ayoko mang isipin, nasasariwa parin ang bawat detalye ng kahapon. There are things that remind me of him, the places we visited together, foods we have shared, music we sang and dance together, the smell of his perfume, the clothes he wears, his favorite food, and the list goes on.

Sometimes, you have to know when to hold on and when to let go. To hold on is to trust him again after all the lies, but unfortunately, gone are the days when I trust him. To let go is to move forward and to lift it all to the Lord.

I chose the best option — to let go.

My realization? When everything has been said and done, the “only” and healthy option is to start anew, without him.

One thing’s for sure, she can never replace me or can never even surpass what we had. There’s a special space in his heart that’s just for me, and it is forever taken. It can never be vacated for her to take place. I assure you. What we had is very, very special and magical… And what we had can never be yours.

I’ve been there since day one. I’ve seen his losses and his wins, his face when he cries or laughs, and eats like there’s no tomorrow. When he runs, he smiles; when he’s angry, he’s still handsome. Every thing I need to know about him, I already know, except the “shits” when I’m away — or should I say when he is also with me. 🙂

But as I’ve shared, my heart is still happy even if it has been wounded. I know it happened because it was destined to happen. I just hope he learns from all of it. And to you, yes to you — stop stalking me 🙂 (I have proof).

You can never evict me in his life. We will “always” be connected with each other. “Infinity?” There’s none, only always…

Our special bond, even if we’re not together, can never ever be broken. It will always remains the same as long as we live, and as long as we wanted.

Our paths will cross someday, and I’m always ready… See you around?

Good bye for now!

“If ever a woman steals my man, there is no better revenge than letting her keep him. Because no good man can ever be stolen.” – @ohteenquotes

See how happy I am right now? :)

See how happy I am right now? 🙂

2 thoughts on “Confessions of a brokenhearted girl… And the reason behind being a #QUENaddict

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